I AM sure that when I informed the editor that I had stopped drinking, he must have fallen off his chair. There are many who can’t imagine me teetotal. My history on the bottle is a colourful, yet disastrous one that would require more space than this column can offer.
There is so much I can recall and philosophise about the devil’s drink. There, I said it!
Anyway, I wish to assure you dear reader that my decision had absolutely nothing to do with the trend in my adopted home of Botswana. President Ian Khama hates alcohol and its effects — second only to Mugabe in that regard.
The reasons are personal for Khama, his family having been affected by alcoholism, his father Sir Seretse and sister, Jackie, being notable victims. We all know how Batswana love their drink. They will drink anyone under the table, particularly the women.
So when he accepted the presidency on Fools’ Day last year, a day his countrymen will never forget for various reasons, he declared his ‘Four Ds’ chief among them DISCIPLINE. Being a military man, he should know the meaning of the word. He felt that Batswana had no discipline because they drank too much.
So he went about sorting out the problem. First, he slapped a levy on alcohol making it much more expensive. Then he reduced the operating times for liquor outlets, bars and night clubs, declaring war on shebeens.
He also banned braais (barbecues) outside butcheries because this encouraged people to drink at all times of the day while besatshisa inyama.
DRINK DRIVING was next in line and a presidential directive increased traffic penalties by 100%! Batswana, while acknowledging their drinking problem, were appalled. In fact, the whole thing was so political that the opposition used it as a campaign tool in the just ended elections.
It is believed that the former Minister of Trade and Industry, Neo Moroka, lost his Kgalakadi South seat to the opposition because he was the face of Khama’s alcohol prohibition campaign. Kgalagadi is known to be the guzzlers’ district, and they made their displeasure clearly known.
An enterprising Botsalo Ntuane, candidate in one of Gaborone’s constituencies, organised a free concert featuring South African pop band Splash on the eve of the elections. He stepped on stage and shouted to the capacity crowd: “I love alcohol!” He won the seat for the ruling party.
This takes me to my own experience. Here I was in a country renowned for the highest number of drinking holes per square metre and all of a sudden I stop drinking! Hard to believe as it sounds, I am comforted by the fact that I was never an alcoholic, otherwise I would have suffered from horrible withdrawal symptoms which I did not.
I have always said to people that I was a social drinker and never felt so desperate to drink. I should admit though that this seemed to be the case when I was at the University of Zimbabwe, but then there beer kept us sane.
We went by the motto: “We drink daily and pass annually.” This was our way of justification than anything else. But unlike a great many of the UZ Alumni who got their first taste at the Students Union, some of us were already veterans.
I am glad that my former roommate at the New Complex Phase One, Finance Minister Tendai Biti, was not among us sinners. Such people had a role to play like the time when I went celebrating passing my second year and had one too many smuggled vodkas at Bretts nightclub.
A concerned Laxton Biti, as we knew him then, came to my rescue as I lay immobilised in my room by the mother of all hangovers. He dutifully brought me all my meals and though I never ate any of them, I was moved by his concern for someone whose agony was self inflicted. I will not forgive Darlington Masenda, another non-drinking student, who was the DJ because it was partially his music that contributed to the damage.
Arthur Mutambara was another sober individual who I remember for his driving ambition to be in some position of leadership. His futile attempt to get elected as chairman of the Ballroom Dancing club on campus might never make it into his biography, which is why I mention it here. He may deny it, but those with a long memory will remember him giving his reason to stand for election as his curiosity as to why it was led by people coming from Matabeleland.
His persistence later got him into the Students’ Representative Council and look where it he is now, Deputy Prime Minister of Zimbabwe! I clearly remember Mutambara’s infamous brush with the notorious CIO that saw him tumbling out of the Phase Two window.
President Robert Mugabe later remarked that “these students boast of being tigers yet when the heat was turned on, they jump out through windows like kittens.” Mutambara of course reminds us from time to time about this incident. In the theatre of politics, he believes it is significant that he was arrested by the regime before Morgan Tsvangirai whose first brush with the ZRP came after he challenged Arthur’s incarceration in his capacity as a trade union leader.
Anyway, I digress. I have to admit that I come from a family that drinks as if it were going out of fashion, which in itself speaks volumes. Being of royal blood, kings were known for their liking for the frothy brew, notable among them Mzilikazi kaMatshobana who suffered from excruciatingly painful gout.
I recently learnt that I am a direct descendent of Soshangane wakoGasa. If I had a good excuse for drinking, this was definitely going to be it.
But then there are many negatives that come with the practice of imbibing. I have lost a great deal of very close relatives, notably uncles, to the bottle. In fact my maternal grandfather’s young brother so idolised beer that he composed a song to entice me into appreciating it when I was 10.
I used to accompany him and my father on their fishing trips which I thought were an excuse from them to drown themselves in booze. After taking ‘several’, he would burst into the rendition, “Amahewu, amnandi, amahewu, amnandi sibili!’ They say that the rest is history.
So the question in your minds is now what? I believe we all have quotas and I have exhausted mine. Sad to the brewers this might sound, but I think my contribution to the industry stops here.
There is this theory that people who don’t drink have more time to indulge in other extramural activities such as chasing women. Though there might be a grain of truth in that, I would not relish being ‘planted’ in the ground like a flower. There is this disease that is wiping out Batswana and I would not like to be another of its statistics.
Is there anything wrong with making an about turn in life and sampling how it would be like if one’s mind wasn’t clogged with alcohol? There are a lot of things that I appreciate more like family, nature and just being alive. That does not mean that I will shun my former drinking companions. I miss the humour and the antics only now that I will have all my faculties alert enough to fully capture the fun for me to recount to you on these very pages.
Last 5 posts by Lenox Mhlanga |
I am humbled by your concern good people. To answer a few of you, no its not because I haven’t got the money, and I have been teetotal for just about 8 months and I do not feel like drinking. I have friends who drink and I accompany them to their drinking holes, but… akusatsho. I have charted a new path for myself.
December 7th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
mhlanga uyahlanya buyela uyephuza utshwala abulankinga ungabophuza ungathi ulendlala
December 3rd, 2009 at 9:36 pm
It’s possible Mr Mhlanga to quit. I used to smoke,smoke heavily. Drink, drink heavily. I used to brag “angilamhwabha wotshwala”Thank heavens I was neither a chain smoker nor an alcoholic. When I quit both, ten years ago for the bottle and almost thirty years for the cigarrette my friends kept on saying this is only temporary, I was just restin( !usaphumula). If resting takes this long I recommend it to any who would like to quit. I have a secret, no muthi to be involved, just your will power. Just say to yourself “WHY SHOULD I? If youget an answer you are home and dry.
December 3rd, 2009 at 5:33 pm
I really admire your stance . I was a drinker as well but now i found God and life is so fantastic to me . Keep it up . Beer is a wastage of resources and time .
Praise God
December 3rd, 2009 at 2:56 pm
I am perplexed with the attention this article is getting, to be honest this gentlemen is just waffling I am battling to figure out what is he trying to put across.
December 3rd, 2009 at 9:33 am
I also decided to quit the bottle because of the economic crunch, but as the situation started improving, i slowly turned back turned back
December 3rd, 2009 at 7:39 am
Hey you guys, You spent all your time drinking beer, what a waste! After the drinking you either pick up girls on the street or in the clubs and after that you go home and pick a fight with your wives.
A man who doesn’t make beer the center of his life after work, has time for his family. He gets home early for some quality time with his wife. He is not easily tempted to cheat especially in these days, need I say more. How about using that time to learn something or try a trade?
I am sure that there is one person celebrating right now, and it’s Lenox’s wife. What a relief to not have to put up with the smell of alcohol on one’s pillow!
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:53 am
Nyaya yawataura yandibata-bata Lenox - i’m gonna try to follow your path - in about 10-15 years time when I’m ready to reminisce & turn on a new page…
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:30 am
Last year when I left Zim on 3 Jan I ‘quit’ it was not easy at first but 6 months went by without me touching nothing, 7 months down the line I was back, in moderation at first then prpoer. Its a brave route you take but next time I will call it a break! you start you quit because of health reason or conversion to a strong religious following! Lenox hold out as long as you can mngane vele buyadula futhi abulancedo besides ukuba lamajida nje sitshelana amanga lamaqiniso! even eUk lapha there is nothing much to do when you are off work besides … well drink! Enjoy Bots, I loved it and its people.
B. Mafu
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Hayi Lennox, awusitsheli lutho, what is the reason for quiting, waphonguvuka nje wayeka?
December 2nd, 2009 at 11:18 am
Do it in moderation if u cant then call it quits. I myself tried quitting , failed but have learned to imbibe sparingly .
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:46 am
Lenox my tshomi, ngicela ungenzi njengabanye abathi ‘I’ve quit drinking’ meaning ukuthi they had been drinking the whole night till 5am the folowing morning and by taking a break to go to work at 8am then ‘they have stopped drinking’!!! Gud luck my brother!
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:24 am
Mofekeng left or under,
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:25 am
Having counselled a few in a professional capacity at some point in my career and being a none working night, social but relatively heavy drinker myself, your target is not realistic. Your best option would have been to take time out, say three months, then review your progress. By definition you are already a drinker, even if you never touch another beer again. If you set yourself up to fail by saying never, the day you relapse could be really bad emotionally and for future will power. Be prepared to loose some of your best friends and moments in life. You will hopefully gain others in different circumstances. Don’t bother going to pubs with friends, you will simply not be able to keep up with drinkers and have the same energy for debate in that environment. In fact you will be miserable there. On the positive side, aiming for complete abstinence is better than aspiring to sensible drinking as long as you were never physically dependent as you mention. We all know what ‘one or two’ has turned out to mean for most Zimbo drinkers. Good luck bru, you are guaranteed to learn something out of the experience one way or the other.
December 1st, 2009 at 9:38 pm
Lenox . Mutambara jumped out of Complex 3 not Complex 2. I was his neighbor and have first hand knowledge of the night when Mutambara and Enock Gwisayi (aka Enock Chikweche) were taken in by the guys dressed in RIOT squad gear.
December 1st, 2009 at 4:33 pm
aahh,sure!!!
December 1st, 2009 at 3:46 pm
Lenox, You blow my lungs out with your humour,a soldier will always be a soldier even after retirement, he will still carry the rank with him-Captain Zankata, Seagent Major Castle (Cde Chinos is a case in point even though rank is unknown),I therefore, still salute you even though you say you are out of the club. One other thing Lenox is that now you are under the suvellance of the FBI(federal Bureau of Intoxication)and I being the President will make sure that you are strongly monitored. I will watch the way you walk and even if you side step or tripple on a banana it is concluded that you are back, If I meet you I will certainly make an inspection, the way you talk, I remember after the bottle you talk on top of your voice, so be luck that we do not meet at a market or traffic intersection.There are so many other signs which I will use to find you guilty of the bottle. Lastly do not even think about arguing with anyone you need to use signs otherwise you will be guilty of the bottle. Anyway it is saddenning for the drinking fratenity to lose such an honourable member you will be remembered, however the seat you just vacated has already been over subscribbed.
December 1st, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Well, ngikufisela inhlanhla mr mhlanga. kodwa awuguli nje?? kumbe yi purse?? yikibiza nje mfowethu angilwi lawe
December 1st, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Lenox nxa umile okwamanje you do not say i have quiot - its too early. i stopped for 18 months came back heavier and then stooped for about 9 months and engaged in sucidal drinking. Now am in Butswana i have easied off and hope its does not result in past experiences. Akume mbinjana kaMhlanga ilanga alikatshoni - amanzi lawo amnandi uqobo
December 1st, 2009 at 12:47 pm
does the decision have anything 2 do with yo purse? vakawanda vanoti kana zvakatinya HANDICHANWA.
December 1st, 2009 at 11:05 am
is that true lenox, i disbileve, i really disbelieve.
December 1st, 2009 at 6:04 am
good, the best part of beer is the water, j’s like the best part of a daughnut being the hole in the middle.
December 1st, 2009 at 4:20 am
There is nothing wrong with alcohol, just how much you consume. It’s a matter of control, you have to know when to stop. But it appears you were drinking to excess, and in that case brother, I say it’s wise to stop completely. In places like Botswana and Zimbabwe, most men drink to kill time. There is nothing much to do after work.
December 1st, 2009 at 3:35 am
manje ngubani osengena emashebeen
November 30th, 2009 at 10:23 pm