People usually make politics sound complicated and separated from real life. We have both been in politics for a long time, and we can see a clear link between the MDC split and the breakdown of a marriage.

Please bear with us while we take you through the stages of both, and you will understand where we are coming from.

One of the main reasons for the MDC split is also the major reason leading to separation and divorce: lack of consultation, lack of communication and indeed total absence of collective decision-making. This means that all decisions are made by the male head of the household without consulting anyone at all, least of all his wife.

There is generally lots of abuse in marriage, which can degenerate into both verbal and physical violence against the woman, who in most cases is then accused of having a relationship outside the marriage, labelled a bitch, beaten and generally abused.

It is clear to us that all this has taken place in the political sphere. Decisions were not being made between us and the head of household, but elsewhere, and yet our children were suffering.

Disagreements mounted until acts of physical violence were perpetrated against both of us. When we then tried to stand up for ourselves and our children, the head of household put it about that we must be sleeping with someone else! We were called bitches, whores, sell-outs. We must be CIO or Zanu-PF, or involved in some Ndebele plot to overthrow the Shona.

This reminded us of the abuse we had suffered during the previous 20 years, when we were in a similar relationship with the descendents of Chimurenga, the liberation war heroes and ruling party chefs.

We then suggested to the head of the household that this marriage was not working, because he was not respecting us, so let us go our separate ways for a while. he man, being the proud male he is, stormed out in a huff and told us the relationship could go hang.

"If the MDC splits, so be it,” he thundered.

The separation might not be permanent, however, so we agreed not to go to court to fight over the custody of the children. We had invested hugely in this family name and property, so we agreed to go along with the idea of sharing the children – and so it came about that the name MDC is still hotly contested.

The property, however, was never shared. In fact, he has barred us from the matrimonial home, and during the separation he has adopted the habit of grabbing cars, cellphones and anything else he can from us.

In a typical patriarchal society, however, the women step back and acquiesce. The male has more rights over the children and the family name, and we simply keep quiet.

Next, various outsiders arrive on the scene to mediate, vaTete, and so on, and say:
"Come on, you guys, look at your children, they are suffering and not being cared for. You must sit down and come to an agreement."

Typically, the woman is the first to embrace the idea to talk, and so we get a mediator and embark on a year or so of shuttling to and fro.

First of all we have a Code of Conduct, because the wife has been so abused and traumatised beforehand that she persuades the head of the household that it is a good idea to have some ground rules, such as not using violence against each other, as a step in confidence-building.

We both sign the Code of Conduct, and we want to announce it together so that everyone knows, as a further step in protecting ourselves, but our partner says ‘no’, he will not go public with this. We lose confidence in our partner again, because maybe he will not adhere to this code and will start beating us again.

However, in typical female fashion, we still go for the bigger coalition agreement because we think maybe it will help our children. So we say OK, let us treat each other as equal partners, but you can still remain head of household. And we set out terms to give equality to all members of the family, and this seems to be agreed.

We say, OK, we have had separate congresses so it is clear we each have other set-ups now, so the issue is no longer about re-marriage. Let us simply go for joint custody, which we agree in an out-of-court settlement, for the sake of the children.

But when we sit back, we realise our partner is going around undermining us. He now even reneges on the settlement and claims sole custody, even when it is clear he is driven by revenge. We do everything to avoid conflict, but this partner keeps coming into our space and attacking us. Still, we pretend not to notice, and keep clutching at straws, hoping that the relationship will improve.

We read in the newspaper: "I no longer have faith in my former wife Trudy/Priscilla.
She is an elitist CIO plant."

At no stage does our partner speak to us directly.

So we give up the idea of getting back together, and return to the children. We explain how hard we have tried to get back together with their father. We have bent over backwards and been beaten and abused, but their father has refused - and we show them the evidence, including the two documents he agreed to sign.

This should be enough to convince the children that their mother has been abused and that their father is the perpetrator, but in typical patriarchal society fashion, they blame us, the women! Their father is the great hero, the god who can do no wrong. He cannot possibly have mistreated us, their mothers. It is our fault that he has beaten us and refuses to speak to us!

This is our frustration! We come to you, the people of Zimbabwe, and state categorically that the reason for separation is not us, the women! We have done everything within our power to come back together, but your father has said he is not interested in us any more.

Instead of going after the one who is the perpetrator, guess who once again becomes the victim? The abused woman and mother is the victim, and we are blamed while the perpetrator goes scot-free! He is seen as the saint, the hero, the god, the best, and no one is willing to ask him why he behaves in this abominable manner.

So we remain defenceless women sitting by the corner, wondering what can we do?

We have two choices:

• Should we commit suicide, since we have done everything we could think of, and it
wasn't enough?

• Or should we simply pick up the pieces and make the best of it, as most women do?

This man is not interested in either us or the children, but us as a women care for the children. We will try to convince the children that we are not at fault, and maybe one day they will understand that this tragedy was not caused by us but by their father. It may take a year, or five years, but we will keep trying.