Now recruiting: traditional healers and prophets

Now recruiting: traditional healers and prophets

By Norah Spie

WHAT a week it’s been! I had a front row seat for the biggest fight in Britain, the No 10 Downing Street bout between Tony Blair and Gordon Brown.

Blair, the defending champion, had taken enough punches going into the weekend from the challenger and as a last minute tactical move, Tony deployed his former Home Secretary, Charles Clarke. Hell was unleashed.

Brown, scenting victory, had not anticipated Clarke entering the ring. The Brownites quickly labelled him a “bloated suicide bomber”, an unkind reference to his bulky intestines.

Clarke pulled no punches, saying Brown was “stupid, stupid, stupid”. You get his drift, I am sure. Brown is stupid.

It felt good watching this bloody fight among the main protagonists in the theatre of what is arguably the world’s best democracy.

After the fight, enter the judges. Trevor Kavanagh, the powerful former political editor of The Sun was on ringside and passed his verdict thus:

“Sorry Gordon, I think you may have lost it,” Kavanagh said in his column in The Sun.

He then gave Gordon a Clarke-spanking, describing him as a “clunky, buttoned up human being”. Brown, according to Kavanagh’s verdict, is “obsessively secretive, deeply distrustful and surrounded by hand picked loyalists ready to die in a ditch for him”.

And the clincher: “Can this awkward robot step into Tony Blair’s dancing shoes?”

I am sure Brown, for all the cushy first rounds in this bout, must be asking himself a few Ali G questions, “Is it because I is Scottish?”

As Commonwealth citizens, Zimbabweans are allowed to vote in Britain, so we have a say in these things (as if we haven't got enough in our plate already!). Forget the sanctions -- we have one over them, we can vote in their country and they can't vote in ours! Those Smith days are long gone!
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I was pleased to know that after many years of denial, Zimbabweans can now produce a traditional healer’s sick note to obtain a sick leave from work.

A decade ago, would you have ever imagined a “clunky, buttoned up” banker asking for an off day to consult a n’anga? I doubt anyone would have the courage.

Who would have thought that in 2006, a city professional would consult a n'anga and then hand a prescription to a herbalist?

Africans have always been good at improvising, but this beats it all. No more outcries about the shortage of nurses and medical doctors then. I foresee a good stream of traditional healers queuing up to get themselves registered.

This could be a new profession for the jobless. I am assuming one can get trained to be a traditional healer without the need of actually drowning in a river and living under water with mermaids!

It reminds me of the time Jonathan Moyo forced us to watch 75% local content on radio and television. Although it was not a popular stance, it was a big advantage to the local entertainers as we saw the mushrooming of unknown artists. Anyone with a voice was singing!

Zimbabwe has a lot of talent but as we have grown accustomed, we take one step forward and two giant steps back. Take one talented comedian who has the world of humour to share but he meets the most corrupt producer and everything goes down the drain.

Although this n'anga thing may seem ridiculous, I know people will turn it round to their advantage. This also got me thinking, what is a traditional healer really? Is a witch doctor another name of a traditional healer and what of faith healers (mapostori)? Will they have the same powers? Do these traditional medicines really work or is it just the power of belief?

There aren’t too many freedoms in Zimbabwe, but we now have extra freedom of choice in the health sector. All you have to decide is Which Doctor!
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Thanks to all those who wrote to me after my debut column last week. Some seemed to have a licence to abuse, which is not a problem because there is always an equal number with nice things to say.

One guy from Tanzania wrote to me, and with his permission, I thought it would be good to reproduce his e-mail:

Thanks for the nice article. It was educational, fun and interesting. Just a few comments: concerning other Africans perceptions that Zimbabweans are too westernized, it is some how true.

"I am Tanzanian myself but I have lived and worked in Zimbabwe for four years. One of my first impressions within my first few months in Zimbabwe was the fact that Zimbabweans, in urban areas in particular, were either too westernized or were trying to act too westernized. I will give a few examples to support what I have just said.

Where I come from there is normally a lot more interaction between neighbours. In Tanzania you are free to visit your neighbour for a chat or assistance. If you run out of salt at your place, you can go to your neighbour to ask for some without feeling embarrassed. Also when you meet your neighbour in the street, it is the norm to say hello or if you are in a car then you just wave at her/him. Not saying hello to your neighbours when you meet them is considered rude and impolite.

In Tanzania, when you move to a new suburb, it is quite common for your new neighbours to come and help you settle in. This can be in the form of assisting you clean your new place or coming over to chat so as to make you feel you are welcome into that new society.

During my stay in Zimbabwe I hardly experienced any interaction with my neighbours. To me, the culture of keeping to yourself and ignoring the people around you as if they don’t exist is not an African-kind of behaviour.

In Tanzania, if you have a maid at home, she normally eats the same food as yourself. You don’t ask your maid to source her own food or to cook from her own pot. It is considered bad manners if you do such a thing.

These are some of the things I observed during my stay in Zim that led me to conclude that Zimbabweans in urban areas are too westernized. I would also like to emphasize my comments are not meant to ridicule Zimbabweans. They are just my observations.

To be very honest with you, Zimbabweans are some of the best people I have met in Africa. The most hard working and professional people I have ever worked during my career in various African countries are Zimbabweans."

Is this gentleman’s summary of Zimbabweans true? Do we think we are something that we are not? I have a plan. Love thy neighbour.

Norah Spie's new weekly column appears here every Wednesday. You can e-mail her at n_spie@hotmail.com. Her new book, Parallel Lines, is available at many good bookshops and you can also order it online from AMAZON

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